Sunday, March 17, 2013

The "L" Word

When I was younger, I knew exactly what I wanted in a guy. I was proud that I could have such a clear vision at such a young age. After all, being cute and having a nice butt are great qualities for a guy to have, right?

Of course that all changed as I got older. I'm not so sure that it was for the better at some points, though. There was a list at one time... a very long list. I'm sure if I had that list in my hands right now I'd either be laughing hysterically or cringing at the thought. I don't remember everything that was on the list but I'm almost positive it still had "nice butt" and "cute" on there somewhere. Some things never change!

As with the qualities I was looking for in a guy, my definition of "love" evolved and changed as the years went by... its meaning changing with each relationship I went through. A friend and I recently talked about what this meant and for me, it's not an easy thing to describe.

I think it's more about feeling that the person has grabbed your soul... changed you in such a significant way that you can't help BUT care for them deeply. They will make you smile without even seeing you or talking to you or being anywhere near you. They will make you want to be a better person... to push yourself outside of your comfort zone - but still like the person you are, regardless. They will surprise you. They will inspire. You will trust them without question and find it easy to talk to them. They will be more in tune with you, than you are with yourself.

I also don't think it has to be a two-way street. Just because a person might not feel the same way about you doesn't invalidate the way you feel about them. I've always thought that I would spend the rest of my life with the person I felt that way about. But where in the rule book does it say that's the way it has to be?

Love is a gift and it's up to each of us whether or not we want to accept it... whether or not the person on the receiving end knows or acknowledges it and most of all - whether they return it.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

To love, or not to love...

The other day, I was flipping through the channels and happened upon a show called "Tough Love" on VH1. I don't usually like this kind of show but something about it kept me watching the series marathon that was on. Ended up learning some things about myself and my outlook on relationships. I'm not sure if I should be happy to have this newfound knowledge or concerned that I learned it from a reality show on a music channel!

Love & Appreciation

My Uncle Tim passed away unexpectedly in December 2010. It had been years...decades, really...since I'd seen him but I was lucky enough to have reconnected with him via email and Facebook earlier in the year.

Tim was injured in a work accident many years ago which left him paralyzed and forced him to rely on others. I was told of times that he seemed to have all but given up or didn't care. He lived a pretty rough life. I can only imagine what it's like to have to be so dependent on others every day of your life.

But then he got a laptop and it was as if we were witnessing a new person being born. I still smile when I think about how avid a Facebook user he was. Not posting the mundane junk that nobody cares about - he made you think and laugh and enjoy having this tool that allows people to stay connected, despite being thousands of miles away. It makes my heart feel good to know that he had the opportunity to enjoy what ended up being the last part of his short life.

RIP, Tim - you are loved very much and greatly missed.

Take this opportunity to tell someone close to you how much you love and appreciate them.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

What I've Learned

(previously written, never posted)

2010 was a very lesson-filled year for me. What I learned during that year was more than I've probably learned my entire life; certainly more than what I've learned in the several years prior.

I'm ashamed, yet kind of proud, to admit that one of the most important things I learned was that I am no better than anyone else. Who am I to judge?

I learned that the ONLY person I need to justify anything to is myself. I don't mind opinions but the decisions are my own to make and I am capable of making them.

I learned that it really is okay to make mistakes and wrong decisions. It's also okay to change my mind. I mean really, who gives a crap if I lived in three different states all in one year? I was fine with my decisions at the times that I made them and that's really all that matters.

I learned that even the smallest gesture can sure change a person's attitude and perspective. We should all remember to never underestimate how much of an impact a simple and kind gesture can have on another person.

I learned that some peoples' outlooks on life are just plain shitty and there is absolutely nothing that anyone else can say or do to change that; the change must come from within. I also learned that it does me no good to feed in to that same outlook.

I learned that I am capable and intelligent and even though I don't know everything...I have it in me to do whatever I set my mind to! Moving forward, I will not allow anyone else to make me feel otherwise.

I learned that it's not my place to tell someone else's story; to share things that happened in their lives. Doing so is nothing more than gossiping. Admittedly... this is a work in progress, but I'm trying.

I learned that I need to worry less about what people might say. If what I'm doing or saying is not against the law, offensive or just plain wrong - who freaking cares.

And most of all, I learned that sometimes we just need to sit back and enjoy the ride. We only get one chance at this thing called life!

Knock, Knock - Anybody Home?

Two years and seven months since I've started this blog and here I am with a whopping two posts. Woo-hoo! Truth be told, there were about a dozen more that made it here and were quickly deleted; or were ready to go but deleted before being posted; or were just too lame to even be considered for posting. Sometimes I find it therapeutic to simply write even though nobody will see it. Pretty sure nobody but the spam bots and and hacker types are looking anyway. But I'm happy to see that my one faithful follower is still hanging on after 2 1/2 years, despite my lack of writing. Thanks, Bob! Sorry I haven't written :/

I've made a decision tonight to really give this the ol' college try and see if I can write enough semi-coherent stuff to put on here. You know, the schtick that doesn't leave you rolling your eyes wondering what the heck I just said. Trust me, my life is not exciting... so I'm pretty sure this blog won't be of interest to many.

While pondering "to write or not to write," I decided that I would be more likely to ... ahem ... actually post the stuff I write if I do it for my own selfish reasons rather than hoping it's something another person would like to read. I have written thousands upon thousands of words, many of which are sitting in my email drafts folder or notepad docs. Every day, I think of new things to write about. There's only so much you can say on Facebook, ya know!

In the end, I hope that posting my disordered musings stops my mind from racing so hard at night, as I try to fall asleep... and that you, dear reader, don't find yourself drifting off to sleep while reading them.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


A recent visit to my favorite radio station's website tonight reminded me of a blog post I made on MySpace back in August. Thought I would post it here too, though as we all know, the story has since changed and he's become even more of a drama queen since I wrote this......

I've never really been a Packer fan but always liked Brett Favre. He's a good football player. I even teared up a few times listening to his retirement speech. But I tell ya what, he got the cold shoulder he deserved. Over the past few weeks I've rolled my eyes and changed the channel whenever something was on about him. Seriously - he's a frickin' overpaid (crybaby) football player who thinks that he's above having to live with a decision he's made. I'm tired of hearing about it, as I'm sure many people are. Sure, he'll still have supporters...but I'm betting the percentage has dropped drastically every day since this hoopla started.

I had to chuckle at a story I read tonight. This past Sunday, the NFL Commissioner reinstated Favre from the reserve/retired list. Favre hops on a plane and heads to Green Bay for the annual Family Fun Night scrimmage. --BAM!-- No admittance into the locker room or onto the field. I mean really...what did he expect? Oh yeah! He's Brett Favre. He can do anything he damn well pleases. Lesson in humility that day, I'm thinking.

What I'd like to know is what happened to the tearful goodbye; the "We loveeeee Green Bay," "We loveeeeee the Packers," "This is the only team I ever want to play for." No sooner did he sever ties with the Packers Tuesday after two days worth of meetings, and his agent is in talks with the Jets and the Bucs. He should have just left the game on a high note and enjoyed his retirement, spent time with his family as he said he wanted to. Now he's just going to wind up looking like a dumbass. Oh wait. That's already happened.

Good news, though. Everyone who bought up the Sports Illustrated Favre retirement issues will probably be able to start a collection. You know, when he joins another team and retires again.

My apologies to the Packer fans who continue to support Favre. It's nothing personal. I just hate overpaid jocks who piss and moan and can't live with a decision that they themselves have said they put a lot of thought into.

Adios, number 4. Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

Thanks to 105.7 WAPL and the Rick and Len Show Blog for the perfect picture to put with this post!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Email Detox

Recently I read an article on one of my favorite websites,, about a woman who decided to try stepping away from her email for a month. The article was called "Her 30 day email detox" and is funny (yet eerily truthful) to read. You can read the entire thing here:

Unlike the woman who wrote the article, I don't find email to be stressful. Overwhelming? At times...but only if I've been away from it for awhile. In January I took a week-long vacation to Las Vegas and it was the first time I've ever gone that long without checking my email. It was nice but took me forever to catch up. Of course it doesn't help that I have a bazillion email addresses - my regular one, one for genealogy, one for work, one for a forum I belong to...the list goes on and on. Might not be so bad if I only had one to keep track of.

After reading the article I wondered if I could go 30 days without checking my email. Probably not. Oh believe me, I'd love to try but I'd probably regret it. Much like the author, I'm sure people would laugh at me if I said I wanted to try. After all, it IS my main method of communicating. Make a call...on the telephone? But why? lol I'm sure some people would think I'd dropped off the face of the earth if they didn't get an email from me. But then I think about all I could get done. I have hardly touched my genealogy research for the last two years. Have a to-do list with things on it from a couple years ago that I plan to get around to doing "some day when I have time" (yeah, don't know you have a list like that too). Oddly enough, one thing on that list is to set up a new email address for my online bill-paying. Because Lord knows I need one more email address to check.

But alas, it's not gonna happen. There is no way I would willfully neglect my email for 3 days, let alone 30. I freak out every time I lose my internet connection ... who knows what important information I could miss during those 5 minutes!

And to think, once upon a time we all lived without email and BlackBerries and all the other gadgets that keep us connected every second of every day. How did we ever manage???